I went back to part-time work a couple of weeks ago. Although that’s not in itself a positive thing, one positive thing about work is that I got to pee alone – several times! – while I was there. A second positive thing about work is that I got PAID for the first time in … More The robot slave.
Ext: In a moving car. A child’s voice pipes up from the back seat. Boy-Child (5): I’m pretty brave, hey Mum? Me: (Pause briefly from singing Wiggles medley) Oh, yes. Very! 5: Because I’ve watched some scary shows on TV and didn’t even cry. Me: Mmm? You mean like Scooby-Doo, with the spooks and so … More A ‘horrific’ misunderstanding.
(Guest post! Poster may or may not be pre-verbal, so I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing the gist of her message. Enjoy!) You know, I’ve been told I’m gorgeous enough times now that I don’t need any more convincing. (I’m also sweet, funny, whimsical, and have great climbing skills if you’d like some variety when … More How to be a toddler fashionista.
So, I’ve had some problems with my telecommunications at MSTD headquarters this week. In case you weren’t aware, most of my posts are written one-handed on my smartphone while I breastfeed Baby Girl to sleep. (Cue gasps of admiration at my fantastic efficiency and ability to multi-task! Nah, not really, it’s just the only time … More We are experiencing some technical difficulties, please hold.
It’s almost as if she’s heard the stories of her precociously articulate brother, stringing words together at his first birthday party. Baby Girl seems bent on doing the opposite, and at this stage I won’t be surprised if she’s still speaking in an endearing combination of tuneful babble, monosyllabic grunts and mime when she heads … More And so, the child remains stubbornly pre-verbal
I’d be lying if I said there hadn’t been several moments during my early parenting career at which I wondered, “What on earth were we thinking? Why didn’t we just get a puppy or something?”. Here are some reasons why buying a dog would probably have been a smarter idea than having kids just to … More Ten reasons why a sensible person would buy a dog instead of having a baby.
If I were a spider, I reckon the garage of our house would be a pretty safe place to live. I’d stick to the corners, eat bugs and flies, stay out of trouble. I certainly wouldn’t tempt fate by swanning about at floor level right in Boy-Child’s flight path from car to house. Too much … More The zombie apocolypse is upon us, and it started with this spider.
From: New Parent 3.04am To: firstname.lastname@example.org Dear Sir/Madam, The above item from your ‘Bundle of Joy’ range was received into our care recently, and I have some fairly serious concerns I hope you’ll be able to address. First of all, the parcel took six days longer than anticipated to arrive. I realise this can hardly … More Re: ‘Bouncing Baby Boy’ delivery
I think you may actually need an engineering degree to assemble this toy without having an emotional breakdown at some stage. Of course, the engineering degree would be rendered useless by the constant ‘helping’ of the child involved, so you’d probably suffer a breakdown regardless. … More I hate Thomas the Tank Engine
Somewhere beneath the surface of this sudsy water is a large, hairy and apparently quite clumsy spider. I was washing up and discovered him snoozing under one of the breakfast dishes. There was a minor commotion, and in the confusion he ran across the draining board and actually appeared to trip over the edge into … More Well, I’ve got a bit of a situation here.