Mummy Spits the Dummy

Ext: In a moving car. A child’s voice pipes up from the back seat.

Boy-Child (5): I’m pretty brave, hey Mum?

Me: (Pause briefly from singing Wiggles medley) Oh, yes. Very!

5: Because I’ve watched some scary shows on TV and didn’t even cry.

Me: Mmm? You mean like Scooby-Doo, with the spooks and so on?

5: No! I mean really scary shows. Like the movie Daddy let me watch while you were out.

Me: (Paying proper attention now and mentally preparing to tear strips off husband later on) I see. What scary show did you watch with Daddy? Can you remember what happened?

5: Yeah! It was the one with this guy, and he was at the restaurant eating popcorn with his wife. Or maybe his girlfriend. Anyway, he was there with his woman…

Me: ‘His woman’?? Seriously?

5: (oblivious)… and when the moon got as high as it goes, he changed into a wolf and she got really scared. But it was okay, because he wasn’t a bad wolf and he turned back into a man again. And then, when they were walking home she was still a bit frightened, then there were ZOMBIES! They all came out of the graveyard and the trash cans looking for brains.

Me: (Horrified) Okayyyy. How much of this movie did Daddy let you watch?

5: All of it! It wasn’t very long. Anyway, the zombies were looking for brains and the man was a zombie too then, and they all had to do the zombie dance or else they’d get eaten. It was awesome.

Me: Wait. What? There’s a zombie dance?

5: Yeah! They all lined up and danced in the street. That was the best part. It wasn’t even scary to me.

Me: (Gears turning, puzzle pieces aligning) Hold on. Was this a very very short movie with super-awesome music?

5: YES. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! I can’t remember the music, but it was very good for zombies to dance to.

Me: (Hums first few bars of Thriller)

5: THAT’S IT!! That’s the movie Daddy showed me! How did you know?

So, no need for alarm. Daddy was just broadening his musical horizons. With a completely age-inappropriate video clip, but I can forgive him that for the sake of seeing my son attempt the ‘zombie dance’ when we got home.