Your arguments against breastfeeding in public. They are invalid.

Posted on by mummyspitsthedummy

I’m sorry, everyone. I never intended for this to be a breastfeeding advocacy blog, but – y’know. Boobs and their baggage are things that predominate my life at the moment, so…

You’ve probably read about Cheese & Biscuits cafe in Rockhampton, who kicked a massive goal for breastfeeding mothers this week by politely ejecting a customer who was frightened by the sight of a lactating breast in their courtyard. He’d already complained to management, who’d informed him they were a breastfeeding friendly establishment and that they would under no circumstances ask a nursing mother to cover up or leave. He then took it upon himself to approach her, leaving her visibly upset when the owner came out to deliver his coffee. When apprised of the situation, the owner swiftly transferred the man’s coffee to a takeaway cup and showed him the door. She later posted about the incident on Facebook: Capture14

The post went viral, was picked up by local then national and international media and at last count their business page had over 5000 ‘likes’ and hundreds of five-star reviews from all over the world. Not bad for a small cafe in a regional city. I’ve seen it suggested that this was just a really well-executed viral marketing campaign, which I guess is totally plausible – but given that nobody was hurt, they’ve publicly affirmed their nursing-friendly stance and there’s been a huge groundswell of online support for mothers who breastfeed in public, I say ‘bravo!’ anyway! Reading the article online warmed the cockles of my, er, bosom.

But then… oh, then. I scrolled down. I broke my rule. I read the comments underneath the article. And while the overwhelming majority of them are positive, supportive, and lovely (and at least a million of the bajillion supportive comments are from MEN, hooray!), a small but ugly minority are foul. And so, because I am a complete masochist, I have trawled the grimy depths of the comments section for the most ill-informed, grotesque and idiotic arguments against breastfeeding in public. I give you them here, along with my retorts. If you are of a delicate disposition, you may wish to avert your eyes:

1. TheΒ I was fed poo and wee as a baby! argument: Capture8 Aviary Photo_130777194779944941 Capture10

These poor folk are confused. They seem to believe that the observation that ‘breastfeeding is natural’ implies that all natural things are acceptable in public. Let me make it very easy to understand.

Urination = expelling waste. Illegal in public. Smelly.

Defecation = expelling waste. Spreads disease. Illegal in public. Kind of gross.

Spitting = expelling waste. Spreads disease. Usually unnecessary. Illegal in public. Very gross.

Nose-picking = a dirty habit. Spreads disease. Not illegal in public, but not well-tolerated in offenders over the age of five.

Masturbation = a sexual activity. Illegal in public.

Breastfeeding = giving a small child food and comfort. Provides protection to infants against disease. Recommended as exclusive food for babies under six months of age, according to peak health bodies. Not only legal, but protected by law.

So, unless your argument is that urination in public is natural AND provides the ideal food for someone in your care (ewww), we are talking about two completely different, equally natural things. So hush your dirty mouth, please.

2. The This is discrimination against teh menz!! fallacy: Aviary Photo_130777196119103834

OK, clearly this fellow is a bit of a loony who may be unfamiliar with the concept of ‘male privilege’, but let’s humour him for a minute. If anyone complains, they are the bad guy. Male or female. Old mate is more than welcome to go to ADCQ, where I’m sure he would be educated about the section of anti-discrimination law that protects the right of babies (both male and female babies, incidentally) to be breastfed without impediment anywhere they have a legal right to be. I doubt his own claim of discrimination/harassment would hold water. He’d probably just end up embarrassed at his own behaviour all over again.

3. The weird, pervy argument that reminds us our boobs don’t actually belong to the baby. Or to ourselves: Capture15 Capture9

Yes, us exhibitionist mothers. We’re known for our rabid urges to expose ourselves for our own (and your) sexual gratification. Because we’re certainly not tired, or sore, or distracted by the responsibility of attending to the myriad needs of a tiny baby that we’re quite possibly still learning how to keep alive. I was totally up for a bit of casual flirting with strange men when I dragged myself to town in the early postpartum days. And we certainly wouldn’t hold a man accountable if he assumed we were being provocative by feeding our infants and subsequently raped us (victim-blame, a whole other argument in itself). Or if he raped some random woman he passed on the way home, given he’d been worked into such a lather, based on how ‘MM of NSW’ believes the system works.

Seriously. I’m sure some strange people are indeed turned on by breastfeeding, possibly because it’s the only glimpse of breast tissue they’ve ever had up close, or because they are confused and completely blank out on the fact there is a BABY there. By the same token, I also know that some people are turned on by feet. Does that mean I shouldn’t ever wear sandals to a cafe, in case I provoke a foot-fetishist into depraved lust? What about Plushies? Should I forbid my children from taking their stuffed animals out in public, in case Monkey or Miss Rabbit have an undesired effect on someone who finds them unusually attractive? Please. Take responsibility for your own reactions, no matter how hot under the collar you get. If you can’t keep yourself on a leash, maybe consider covering your face with a light shawl or moving to a quieter area.

4. Think of the CHILDREN!!

Capture7

How awful! Imagine, if children got the idea that boobs were intended for feeding babies, instead of thinking they’re for selling things! What would be going through a poor child’s mind? I’d hazard a guess it would be along the lines of ‘Cute baby. Wonder if I can get close enough to sneeze in its face once it’s finished drinking?’.

Or, if the child isn’t familiar with breastfeeding, experience tells me they’ll simply march up to the mother and ASK:

Kid: Why is your baby doing that?

Me: She’s having a feed. She drinks milk that I make for her in my body.

Kid: Oh. Why doesn’t she drink it from a bottle?

Me: Because it’s easier for me this way, and I get to give her a cuddle at the same time.

Kid: Cool. Does she like bacon too? I like bacon. *Sneezes on baby*

Which leads us to…

5. The completely misguided personal hygiene argument:

Capture12 Capture13

Wait, what? So, there’s dangerous airborne bacteria that can enter my baby’s lungs, right? But I only need to worry about those while she’s feeding? Or do I need to have a hankie covering her mouth and nose at all times while we’re in public? Because I really don’t know if she’ll be down with that…

Or are you worried about my breastmilk somehow spurting across the room and landing in your coffee, poisoning you? Pooling on the floor beneath my seat, creating a slip hazard? Let me assure you, it’s fairly unlikely. My goal is generally to get most of it into my kid’s mouth. It’s probably more likely everyone will be subjected to a bit of baby spew at some stage, but that’s going to happen regardless of the feeding method.

Maybe you guys are confusing breast- and bottle-feeding. There’s lots of sterilisation and so on involved in feeding a baby out of a bottle, which is one of the many factors that makes breastfeeding the right choice for me: always on hand, always sterile, always the right temperature and quantity. And all those immunity-boosting antibodies will, I’m sure, offset the risk of her inhaling any airborne diseases should her hankie slip.

6. The It wasn’t acceptable in the old days, you need to respect your elders mistruth:

Aviary Photo_130777194419254813

Really? Are you sure?

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Everyone looks pretty scandalised, don’t they? Clearly, mothers didn’t feed uncovered in ‘the old days’.

In any case, no. Even if things were different in his day and he was embarrassed, he had the option of accepting the seat that was offered to him inside when he first complained to the staff. Depending on how old he was, in his day Aboriginal people may still have been classified as ‘fauna’ under Australian law and denied access to many facilities. Does that mean he has the right to object to an Indigenous guy ordering a coffee and sitting at the table beside his today? Nope, nope, nopity nope. Some change is for the better, especially when the principles have been enshrined in the law. Sorry, not sorry.

7. The I can’t see what’s happening right in front of me dummy spit:

Aviary Photo_130777195367256061

Yes… they’re clearly leaving in droves.

Capture16

As you say: ‘Oh well’… I’m sure the proprietors won’t miss one or two customers now. Chances are they wouldn’t welcome your business anyway. But remember, there’s no guarantee if you go elsewhere that some other mother isn’t planning to ruin your day with her tits:

Image credits: Breastfeeding at Chattanooga Bus Stop 1943 via thederangedhousewife.com

Breastfeeding at an Outdoor Meeting via buzzfeed.com – I couldn’t find the original source, please let me know if you can.

Flawed arguments against NIP courtesy of visitors to The Brisbane Times, The Morning Bulletin, news.com.au and Cheese & Biscuits’ Facebook page.

‘Ruin Your Day’ is by Sparrow Folk and will do the opposite when you listen to it!

So, it seems this post is going to be receiving a lot more attention than I’m used to, sometime in the next few days! Thanks for reading. If you have a comment, please leave it below – I’d love to hear from you. Comments will be moderated so may not appear immediately – but I’ll happily publish any comment that isn’t obscene, abusive or obviously spam. (Yes, even if you disagree with me!).

If your comment starts with ‘I’m all for breastfeeding, but…’, please read this post before you proceed.

If you imagine my staunch support of breastfeeding means I look down on parents who bottle-feed, please read this post and think again.

You can find out more about me (and how this very amateur blog came to be) here.

351 thoughts on “Your arguments against breastfeeding in public. They are invalid.”

  4. Oh, my godfathers, this was a brilliant post. Wonderfully put together with examples that had me experiencing the highly craved cup of tea coming out the nose adventure. Always a pleasure, that one.
    Regardless, I think you did a superb job of fairly (and hilariously) educating those who could use a little updating on the subject.
    And boy, do I wish that cafe was right around my corner. They are rockstars.
    Well done, you. A tremendous post!

    Liked by 8 people

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  7. Great post. I never felt comfortable breastfeeding, I didn’t like the thought of whipping out the boobage whenever they were needed!
    Any woman that can and feel comfortable doing so has my full support.
    I like the daft coment examples you picked..

    Liked by 3 people

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  9. As a ‘murican I’m laughing along as well. Breastfeeding is still considered odd form in most places but having a culture based on ” Don’t Tread on Me ” keeps the A-holes from making too many public/personal disparities regarding the act. Personally I could care less. With fashion trends in the south leaning towards half necked in the summer months anyhoo it doesn’t faze most of us. Besides it really is the best thing for a wee bab to have that. Emmy wife and I have a friend who’s really into breastfeeding her baby and she has gone through security drama with folks but again we southern folk will say our minds either way..lol when she ” whips ” it out I just make sure to maintain eye contact…it’s a little jarring some times but that’s only cause I don’t feel the need to stare at them. Lol especially when my wife’s there…aaawkward. But laws are laws in the end. If one is protected by an established right then F the haters. Love the story and the video was awesome. Not in a creepy way mind you πŸ˜‰

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  11. I am not yet done reading this post but I had to RUUUNNNN to the comments section! Very hysterical way to put it in clear terms that breastfeeding is not gross or obscene! Please preach on!!!!

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  13. Yeah I couldn’t even finish reading the comments that you posted of those naive people. How can someone think whipping out your dick or masturbating in public is the same thing as breastfeeding?!! If I could punch anyone in the face… it would be that guy.

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  14. I find it disturbing that no one gets offended with boobs in public, until there is a baby on them. I also find it hard to believe people still feel offended by a mother feeding her baby. What year is it again?

    Liked by 8 people

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  15. This was an amazing post! I love your stance on supporting women, and I believe many people should see through this view point. Btw, all of your post are brilliant. I would love if you would visit my blog as well πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

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  16. This people are freaking out just because a mom is feeding her child? when I was a child breastfeeding was more often, nowadays is hard to see this on public places (at least in my city), but when I see, I don’t be like “OMG she’s showing her boobs!”, even if for me it’s not a comfortable scene, if you don’t feel comfortable, JUST. DON’T. LOOK. It’s easy.

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    1. Exactly! It’s so easy for an observer to use the muscles in their neck and simply turn their head away if they’re not keen on what they see. I do the same thing when I see rude words on t-shirts, leggings worn as pants, and spelling errors. (Well, maybe I gripe about the spelling errors to my friends, but I do it quietly and try not to offend anyone).

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  19. Ok i still believe that this something intimate. If i ever had children i’d want privacy. I don’t want people staring at me or at my chest or at my baby regardless of what they’re thinking. Those moments that i share with my child are only for my child and i and my husband. No one else.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. And that is absolutely your choice. I’m certainly not arguing that all mothers should feed uncovered or in public, regardless of their own feelings. At the end of the day, it’s your body and your baby.

      I don’t believe that intimacy/bonding always necessitates privacy though. Babies need feeding so many times a day that it just can’t be a beautiful lost-in-their-eyes exchange every single time. (For me, anyway). I’d liken it to cuddling. Sometimes you have a gorgeous nuzzly snuggle with your little one, sometimes you just perch them on your hip and give them a squeeze while you pay for the shopping. Both are intimate and promote bonding, neither is unacceptable in public.

      Thank you for adding to the conversation!

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  22. I breastfed my children. Despite the rock hard and leaky breasts at feeding time and despite the cracked nipples, I couldn’t give it up. It bonded me to each child like no other thing I have done since. This hasn’t anything to do with the rest of the world. It’s between me and my children. I pumped milk into sterilised bottles. In the fridge the milk lasts eight days, in the freezer, a couple of months. I’d take them with me on outings.
    The thing about a woman’s right to breastfed in public is that it’s denying the man his right to not have to experience it. The thing to consider is that when it comes to someone getting their rights, someone else is going to miss out. Some rights are well worth fighting for. I havent read anything yet that convinces me that this is one of them.

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    1. The thing is, it’s not really about the woman’s right to breastfeed in public. It’s about the baby’s right to be fed in public, via whatever container is most appropriate for their needs. For most babies, biologically speaking, that’s a breast.

      Nobody (male or female) has the right not to be offended in public. Otherwise all sorts of things would have to be banned, in case they offended someone. Babies have the right to eat. If the sight of my baby eating is upsetting to someone, they have the right to look away.

      I salute you for pumping and storing your milk in bottles. That is hard work, on top of all the other responsibilities of motherhood! And well done, if that was the way you were most comfortable getting your babe’s needs met.

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      1. Whenever this issue has come up it’s always been about the woman’s right to breast feed her child wherever and whenever she chooses. I think that it was wrong of that man to so aggressively invade the feeding woman’s space. Good on that cafe owner for tossing him out.

        But what about cafe owners who have been harangued and shamed if they disagree with having a woman breastfeed her child in their cafes ? Particularly in these days of social media. As I said, someone’s rights always gets trampled on.

        Your argument seems to have shifted to the baby’s rights. Most babies will be happy to take what you give them as long as you feed them. In my day pumps were manual. Parenting is a hard gig, there’s no escaping it. It’s no sin to take any short cut that makes life easier. I’m only saying that as long as it isn’t at the expense of others and people don’t make a virtue out of it. Don’t spit the dummy. Let’s agree to disagree. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 4 people

      2. I appreciate your considered and civil reply. I’m not sure about where you live, but in Australia it’s against the law for a cafe owner to disagree with women breastfeeding in their establishment. To reframe the scenario, it’s not OK for a cafe owner to ask someone to leave because they’re gay/black/female. Being shamed on social media would be the least of their worries if they did, as they would have broken anti-discrimination law. Which is the same law that protects a baby’s right to breastfeed without impediment anywhere they have a legal right to be. (My argument hasn’t shifted, by the way).

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I don’t see it as the baby’s right to a feed . Bottle or breast, the baby doeesnt give a hoot. The law has been known to be an ass before. The law may have been pressured into it by it’s constituents, but frankly can’t
        see the connection you are making between breast feeding women and gay or black people. Kindly leave me alone.

        Liked by 2 people

  24. Great rant! I’m always in shock regarding people who complain of mothers nursing in public. Growing up in Jamaica it was the thing that new mothers did. And only some weird perve could possibly think it’s sexual or anything else. By the way, stay away from reading those comments! πŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you so much! I know lots of mums are shy about breastfeeding in public (I was too, once). I’d love it if we all knew we were going to receive nothing but acceptance, whenever, wherever and however we nourished our children! Thank you for reading and commenting πŸ™‚

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  27. I don’t really understand your blog because many subject are written to make the main idea about your blog about “Breastfeeding” invalid. For example of when you wrote about “Male privilege” you connected that subject to perverted sexual practices that has nothing to do with breastfeeding.

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    1. I’m sorry, but I don’t really understand your comment? My reference to ‘male privilege’ was in regard to the gentleman who apparently thought it was discriminatory for anyone to disagree with a man’s complaint, ever.

      Liked by 1 person

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      2. His assertion that males are being discriminated against when their complaints are rejected is invalid. Read his comment. Then read my response. It’s a small part of the total post, try not to make my rejection of one man’s warped ideas the whole point.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. If one really had a proper education, one is taught to place every information about one is referring to in the main piece of the written subject. Are you aware of “footnotes” which indicates other information about another subject into the main subject. As a proper writer it is your choice to be as specific as possible and no I won’t read his comment because his comment wasn’t written in your main article.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, you kind of miss the whole point of the article if you aren’t going to read the comments I’ve clipped into the text… Sorry if you think I’m not a proper writer. Having looked at your blog though, you probably don’t think I’m a proper human either. Further comments will be deleted. Have a nice day.

        Liked by 3 people

  32. BRAVO I say!! I so enjoyed this post. I breastfed my children born late ”70s. I remember nursing my son in a mall and my parents sat on each side of me to blast anyone who might object. My father in law asked me when my son was 15months if I intended to nurse him until he went to college. I calmly replied “no when he gets to high school”.

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  36. I find it worrying that people go ape about some of the natural things in life. All the things humans have to do should be seen as normal and not as lewd or wrong.

    Liked by 4 people

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  39. I breastfed covered up and in private at first because I thought I had to and was afraid to do otherwise. It was very lonely and made my baby sweat under the cover. Years later, for my last child, I was feeding in public with a muslin cloth as a cover, in a cafe. An old man here in England literally glared at me. I suppose a screaming baby would have been better?
    There have been so many plastic-raised babies for so long we’ve forgot how we used to do things.
    Great article.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Oh, this makes me feel sad. I also fussed about with a cover for my first few feeding-in-public episodes, until I realised that I was making far more of a performance getting all my layers in place while my baby got grumpier and grumpier than I would have been if I’d just quickly latched him on with no cover. Never had more than a raised eyebrow here, although from what I hear Australia is far more progressive in this area than the UK. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I’m following your blog now!

      Liked by 2 people

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  46. What a fabulous post! I’ve nursed four babies (often publicly), and my critical takeaway is that every mother and baby should find the solution that makes them the most comfortable. As this fabulous advert shows, at the end of the day we’re all hard-wired to take care of those babies!

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  48. When my son was born six months ago, I quickly realized that one of the reasons for promoting breastfeeding in public (among many) is that it allows women’s full and more equal participation in society. The first time I took my baby to a gathering someone else’s home, I was promptly shown to a spare bedroom where the host told me I was welcome to feed the baby. As a new mom, quite unsure of herself caring for her baby in public for the first time, I gratefully took advantage of the privacy -– for the first and last time.

    After I spent nearly half of the event alone the spare room tending to my newborn, I realized my confidence to feed my baby in public was directly related to my ability to continue to be involved in society in the way that was important to me. As you say, breastfeeding takes a lot of time out of the day, and to require a woman to have to excuse herself every time her child needs sustenance or calming is to treat women as second-class citizens. I do use a cover most of the time, but depending on the urgency / weather / baby’s mood etc. it doesn’t always work out, and I’m okay with that. Thankfully most others around me seem to be okay with it too – or are trying hard to be, which is just as important.

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  49. Wow- I didn’t know such closed minded (or maybe just downright stupid) people still existed! Your points are incredible and humorous, plus you’ve definitely educated me on a topic I knew very little about, I can’t believe people are still denying women the right to use their boobs in the way they were intended to be used. I’m so glad you’ve challenged these people’s opinions opposed to being weighed down by their negativity. Such a great post.

    Liked by 3 people

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