It’s been an awesome week for memorable musings, mumblings and outbursts from my four-year-old. Here are the highlights.
Sunday
Having just visited the petting zoo, at which he ignored all the cute and interesting baby goats, pigs and cows in favour of cuddling two adult chooks.
Daddy: Hey mate, what have you guys been up to?
Boy child: Nothing much. Just picking up cute chicks.
(I swear he actually said this and I also swear I didn’t put him up to it)!
Monday
Boy child: Baby girl! Puh-leeese will you share some of your cracker with me? I’m soooo hungry and it looks so yummy!
Baby girl: Makes direct eye contact, takes another bite of cracker.
Boy child: MUM! SHE WON’T SHARE HER CRACKER WITH ME AND I ASKED HER REALLY NICELY!
Me: She’s a baby, remember? She doesn’t understand words yet. She can’t talk. You know how she just points and says ‘neh?’ when she wants something? You’ll need to show her what you mean.
Boy child: Baby girl! Neh! Neh! NEH!
Baby girl: Hands over cracker.
(For crying out loud. I thought the little one would pick up skills from the big one, not that the big one would revert to pre-verbal communication).
Tuesday
Boy child: Sienna went to Underwater World for her birthday!! And she watched a show where an eel caught a fish and then pulled the man’s pants down, hahahaha!
(It was a seal. I’m quite sure it was a seal).
Wednesday
Resistance to harness in carseat. Wants to sit in a grown-up seat because he’s not a baby, and so on. I explain that no matter what he wants, we need him to be safe and so the carseat will need to stay.
But MUM. I’m a pirate; I laugh in the face of danger!
(Deadpan. Not even joking a little bit. I blame his father for that particular delusion).
Thursday
School interview for prep next year. Meeting with principal of nice private Catholic school.
Principal: So, A. Do you like reading books?
Boy child: Nah. Not really. Books are a bit boring. (Lie. He just wanted to hear more about the computers in the library).
Principal: How about you tell me what things you like to do at kindy?
Boy child: Well, I like fighting with Josh. And running around and around and around. And watching trees grow. (Whaaat?)
Boy child notices picture of Jesus on the wall.
Hey! That man looks like my daddy!
(Yes. We’re heathens. But you already accepted our application so joke’s on you, lady!).
Friday
Loses a merit point at swimming because he splashed around instead of holding onto the wall and waiting for his turn.
Boy child: (devastated) But I couldn’t help it! It was my baby sister’s fault. She’s so cute and funny it just makes me go crazy!
Saturday
After I ask him to please be careful not to trip me in the bathroom, because if I fall I could squish him or his sister, and/or hurt my head or back on the tiles.
Boy child: Oh! Then you’d be smoked, right?
Me: You’ve been spending too much time with Daddy. But yes.
Boy child: That would be awful! Who would turn Diego on for me then?!
We’re off on a family holiday this week. Stay tuned, I’m sure he’s got plenty more material!
Mummy Spits the Dummy 