Mummy Spits the Dummy

Have you visited MockMom.com yet? If you enjoy satire, and the written words of parents who don’t take themselves (or possibly many other people) too seriously, you’ll love it! I’ve been enjoying their, er, hard-hitting news articles for the last few weeks. Now I’m enjoying the site that little bit more, because my words are up there! Read on for a taste, then go visit MockMom.com for the full article. Go give them some love, they’re hilarious!

In a shocking set of revelations this week, authorities have been made aware of hundreds, if not thousands, of incidents and near-misses involving food poisoning of toddlers and preschoolers across the nation.

Whistleblowers have revealed that inconsistent meal preparation in the home has been the primary cause for concern. Offenses range from careless oversights – such as cutting sandwiches into squares instead of triangles – to what can only be described as malicious attempts to harm children by misrepresenting and disguising food products. Such toxic substances as carrot, broccoli, onion, and even mushrooms have all been found in the Spaghetti Bolognese of multiple establishments. Parents are suspected of sharing noxious ‘vege-smuggling’ recipes online and even in broad daylight at playgroups, with many openly confessing their plans to trick their children into eating foods they don’t wish to consume.

“It makes me sick to think about it,” says Baby L., a two-year-old victim who reported her mother to food safety authorities recently. “I mean, I’ve been eating here for over a year, and it wasn’t until the food processor went on the blink last week and I saw Mum grating all those veggies by hand that I realized she’s been hiding them in my meat patties all along.”

Click here to be whizzed to the full article!

And shout out to the fabulous Emily of Hold Me, Don’t Hold Me, who directed me towards MockMom in the first place with her own very funny post for them!

Cover image credit.