Breastfeeding Welcome Here (as long as we don’t have to SEE it, ick!)

The proprietors of Chatz cafe in Gympie have defended themselves against the ‘cruel’ backlash they’ve received since their long-standing policy regarding ‘modest’ breastfeeding made the news last week.

‘It’s simple’, stated proprietor Yuan Miller, who is also the Pastor of the adjoining Victory Church. ‘We never said we were banning breastfeeding. Even WE know that would be illegal. All we ask is that breastfeeding mothers show the appropriate amount of shame at the disgusting act they’re committing’. He added, ‘It has nothing to do with religion. Why, even Jesus was breastfed! But I’ll bet when Mary was going out she would have had the courtesy to pump and bottle-feed in public. She had class, unlike many mothers of today’.

No consideration given to other diners. Disgusting!
No consideration given to other diners. Just outrageous.

Apparently the whole misunderstanding stemmed from an episode where a local breastfeeding advocacy group (go on, you can guess who) suggested the cafe might like to display a sticker in the window or leaflets on the counter stating that breastfeeding is welcome in their establishment. Surprisingly, given that breastfeeding is indeed welcome, the cafe refused. When pressed about the cafe’s stance, Pr Miller reiterated that ‘Chatz cafe welcomes and supports breastfeeding. We just don’t want to advertise it. Otherwise breastfeeding mothers might get the idea that they’re, you know. Welcome. Or supported’.

Pr Miller went on to detail the facilities available for breastfeeding mothers – there is a parents’ room in the adjoining church, which would be an ideal place for mothers to spend up to an hour feeding their baby in isolation when they’ve specifically arranged to meet friends at a cafe. A cafe that supports breastfeeding. He hastened to add that mothers are by no means obliged to retreat to the parents’ room, asserting that his own wife had breastfed in the cafe – ACTUALLY INSIDE – more than once. However, management do insist that a blanket or a large barricade of some kind be used to protect other customers from accidentally seeing a baby having its lunch. After all, it’s only courtesy, and it’s common knowledge that all babies will tolerate being fed under a blanket quite easily. ‘I’ve seen plenty of mothers do it,’ says Pr Miller, ‘And as we know, every baby is exactly the same as the next. So there’s no excuse for anyone to make another patron sick or incurably blind by breastfeeding without covering up’.

So there you have it, breastfeeding mothers of Gympie! Feel free to visit Chatz for your next coffee morning, safe in the knowledge that they welcome and support your dirty little habit – provided nobody has to witness it. Alternatively, you could just go to the Royal Hotel, where they’ll give you a pat on the back and offer you a free cup of tea while you feed as discreetly or as indiscreetly as you like. Your call!

**Disclaimer**  It should go without saying that this is a satirical post, and I don’t actually have direct quotes from Pr Miller, who I’m sure is a lovely man who eats his meals modestly and discreetly under a blanket**

17 thoughts on “Breastfeeding Welcome Here (as long as we don’t have to SEE it, ick!)

  1. I saw a commercial on TV that showed a mother at a restaurant trying to breastfeed a baby in the corner and use the blanket, etc. She struggled and looked frustrated. Later, she has a baby and a toddler. She’s breastfeeding at the restaurant table like a pro and she tells the waiter, “Eyes up here” and proceeds to order. At first, I thought that commercial was funny and kick ass and pro-woman. But, the more I think about it, the more I feel like if a breastfeeding mom shames people for looking, she’s reinforcing the idea that her breast is unnatural and should not be seen. Baby’s having lunch and that’s normal, and Mom’s having lunch and that’s normal. But in the commercial, one person is okay to look at, the other isn’t. Mothers who breastfeed make other people see it as natural, too, in my opinion, as long as no one is shaming anyone else. When I was in grad school, one woman would bring her baby to parties and breastfeed in front of everyone without a word, and everyone was just there and cool and chillin’ with a beer (well, not her). I’m sure it’s not as simple as I’m making it…but I hope some day it can be!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is the utopia I dream of. Headlines read: Mother Breastfeeds In Public! Nothing Happens! Nobody Cares! I’ve been told things like ‘Well, if you don’t want people to look you should cover up’, and repeatedly had it implied that women who breastfeed uncovered are somehow being provocative and asking for a fight. Dude, who’s got time for that?? Look (not stare!), don’t look, whatever. Sigh. One day!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you responded to my comment–thank you. I was scared to write it because I don’t have kids. To be honest, that commercial has been bothering me for years, but I didn’t really think about why until I really actually pondered the whole scene.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Always happy to hear from a non-parent breastfeeding ally! It’s reassuring to know that I didn’t just become this way thanks to having my kids, and I’m not actually out of touch with the rest of society.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Hi! I live in Uganda, and it is that simple. Generation and generations of Ugandan babies have been breastfed anywhere and everywhere. It’s wonderful to be in a place where boobies are meant for feeding babies. No one would even think otherwise. It’s that deeply rooted.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Long and frustrating is right! I gotta say, when I first read the Daily Mail headline I assumed it was a UK incident and smugly thought ‘That would never happen HERE’… Lo and behold: Gympie, which is less than an hour’s drive from me. So disappointing. And much as they’re claiming the whole story was a beat-up, there’s a TripAdvisor review that pre-dates any of the other fuss. And she says she was asked to stop feeding while using a cover, so…
      Thanks as always for reading, sharing and supporting, Ali!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome post. My Wife and I have 5 kids, and this bothers me a lot. Our youngest is almost 6 now so we haven’t had these issues for quite awhile. However my Sister-in-law recently had a baby, and if we ever go anywhere she gets the blanket e.t.c. to feed baby. My response was “just feed him” and she was like “no, people will see”. I say screw them, it is a natural thing to feed a baby, people need to understand that.


    1. Thanks Justyn! I’m all for mamas feeding under a cover if they feel more comfortable doing it that way. If someone else tells them to cover though? Not okay. Great to have dads on board, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!


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