The proprietors of Chatz cafe in Gympie have defended themselves against the ‘cruel’ backlash they’ve received since their long-standing policy regarding ‘modest’ breastfeeding made the news last week.
‘It’s simple’, stated proprietor Yuan Miller, who is also the Pastor of the adjoining Victory Church. ‘We never said we were banning breastfeeding. Even WE know that would be illegal. All we ask is that breastfeeding mothers show the appropriate amount of shame at the disgusting act they’re committing’. He added, ‘It has nothing to do with religion. Why, even Jesus was breastfed! But I’ll bet when Mary was going out she would have had the courtesy to pump and bottle-feed in public. She had class, unlike many mothers of today’.
Apparently the whole misunderstanding stemmed from an episode where a local breastfeeding advocacy group (go on, you can guess who) suggested the cafe might like to display a sticker in the window or leaflets on the counter stating that breastfeeding is welcome in their establishment. Surprisingly, given that breastfeeding is indeed welcome, the cafe refused. When pressed about the cafe’s stance, Pr Miller reiterated that ‘Chatz cafe welcomes and supports breastfeeding. We just don’t want to advertise it. Otherwise breastfeeding mothers might get the idea that they’re, you know. Welcome. Or supported’.
Pr Miller went on to detail the facilities available for breastfeeding mothers – there is a parents’ room in the adjoining church, which would be an ideal place for mothers to spend up to an hour feeding their baby in isolation when they’ve specifically arranged to meet friends at a cafe. A cafe that supports breastfeeding. He hastened to add that mothers are by no means obliged to retreat to the parents’ room, asserting that his own wife had breastfed in the cafe – ACTUALLY INSIDE – more than once. However, management do insist that a blanket or a large barricade of some kind be used to protect other customers from accidentally seeing a baby having its lunch. After all, it’s only courtesy, and it’s common knowledge that all babies will tolerate being fed under a blanket quite easily. ‘I’ve seen plenty of mothers do it,’ says Pr Miller, ‘And as we know, every baby is exactly the same as the next. So there’s no excuse for anyone to make another patron sick or incurably blind by breastfeeding without covering up’.
So there you have it, breastfeeding mothers of Gympie! Feel free to visit Chatz for your next coffee morning, safe in the knowledge that they welcome and support your dirty little habit – provided nobody has to witness it. Alternatively, you could just go to the Royal Hotel, where they’ll give you a pat on the back and offer you a free cup of tea while you feed as discreetly or as indiscreetly as you like. Your call!