Mummy Spits the Dummy

(Guest post! Poster may or may not be pre-verbal, so I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing the gist of her message. Enjoy!)

You know, I’ve been told I’m gorgeous enough times now that I don’t need any more convincing. (I’m also sweet, funny, whimsical, and have great climbing skills if you’d like some variety when you’re cooing over me). Most importantly though, I am a devoted slave to fashion. We all love to look our best, and very few of us emerge from our cots in the morning looking naturally glamorous. So, as my gift to all of you, here is my Guide to Toddling in Style:

 

1. Fashion is less about appearance and more about attitude. Mum inadvertently (or worse, deliberately) dressed you in colours the same as her own outfit? Dad matched spots with stripes? Make the best of it! Own that look, baby! You’re an eclectic fashion genius, not an urchin who was dressed in the dark by colour-blind morons. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

2. Accessorise. Hats. Hairclips. Beads. Bangles by the dozen. Egg rings work well as bangles, in a pinch. Stack them up and belt out that sophisticated jingling sound. If you can, bung on the night wakings and drooling so they buy you one of those divine amber ‘teething jewellery’ pieces. Everyone knows these are a bunch of hooey, pharmaceutically speaking, but they’re just too adorable not to have one in your collection!

 

3. Shoes. Always, always shoes. There are two trains of thought here – you can either insist upon wearing the same gumboots, every day, even to bed, regardless of outfit, activities or terrain; or you can insist upon wearing every available shoe in the house (including your own shoes, those of your family, and especially those of any visitors), changing as frequently as possible and leaving discarded shoes scattered in your gorgeous wake. You decide. You’re a style icon!

 

4. Sometimes less is more. A simple nappy and a slick of drool on your chin can give you a cool, understated look for summer. Plus, there’s pretty much guaranteed to be tickles when you rock this look.

 

5. Perfect your walk. Stand as tall as you’re able (let’s be frank. You’re a toddler. You need all the height you have available to you). Arms held up from the elbows, wrists relaxed – a bit like a gibbon. Lovely! Now, lead with the chin, jaw loose, and vocalise loudly as you trot from one room to another. Your arrival should be heralded by the slapping of fat little feet on the floor, the jangling of bracelets on wrists, and a distinctive ‘Uhbl-uhbl-uhbl!’ sound as the impact of your steps forces your breath out of your mouth in bursts of pure glamour.

 

Until next time, dahlings!

Baby Girl